The Evolution of My Identity Markers

In searching for a common thread in all of the assigned essays, it's clear that the term "identity marker" is used to describe how a person's self interpretation defines them. There's an adage that says, "You never get a second choice to make a first impression." In forming a first impression of someone, what kinds of things do we observe?

One's first impression of Queen Latifah is that she is a strong woman. By her own report, she is a 'queen'. She notes that "a queen is a queen when riding high, and when clouded in disgrace, shame, or sorrow, she has dignity" (34). She credits her mother with making "the ground fertile for me to persevere, no matter what the obstacles, and to keep my head up" (35). In “Masks”, the author uses a metaphor comparing her self image to the estate in Dr. Zhivago when she states, "the splendor of the house was inextricably bound to the fact that it was ruined" (Grealy 69). To fit in at school, students "imitate each other, because the imitation speaks of their power... conformity is not a cop-out but a way of broadcasting the fact that you aren't a weirdo, that you are speaking the signs of the chosen ones" (White 18).

In the recent blog assignment, "What's in your wallet?" we noted how the contents of a wallet may or may not be an accurate reflection of its owner. In the same way that an old photo may not resemble what a person currently looks like, so do our identity markers change. I can relate to each of the above-noted identity markers. In my grade school years, I was ridiculed often because of my 'buck teeth'. Like Ms. Grealy, I too enjoyed hiding under masks at Halloween. At junior high school, the social hierarchy became abundantly apparent. I struggled to find my niche during those years. By the time I reached high school, I began to form definite ideas about who I was and who I wanted to become. My identity shifted to that of a stronger person, and I started setting goals which would carry me into early adulthood. Through the years, my identity markers continue to shift and evolve.

The Dating Game

For this third paper assignment we were charged with analyzing how a specific cultural tradition has been challenged, altered, or undermined, therefore having some impact on society as a whole. The assignment required the inclusion of an antithesis or opposing perspective to the thesis.

I selected this paper as my writer’s choice because I felt it demonstrated some of my best writing of the quarter. I thought I was successful in demonstrating the contrasts between traditional (where the ‘spark’ comes first) and on line dating (where compatibility comes first); and the similarities between traditional dating and speed dating (‘spark’ first). In addition to quotes from the essays, the use of the antithesis (how false on line representation of one’s self can result in an artificial sense of compatibility) added an extra dimension of validation to the argument of the thesis. I tried to demonstrate how traditional dating conventions have been altered by the needs of today’s fast paced society by turning to innovative new ways of dating which can either support or contradict the notion that a biological attraction or ‘spark’ precedes compatibility.

Dating Trends in Popular Culture

Social conventions have evolved over time to keep pace with our ever-changing lifestyles. Each new generation puts it’s own spin on traditions, setting the tone for the next generation’s modifications. In today’s era where time is a precious commodity and the internet has brought the world to our fingertips, new dating conventions have altered traditional dating norms and are meeting the needs of our fast-paced society.

Today, as in years past, romantic love and compatibility drive the dating world in Western cultures. Historically, couples traditionally have had their first encounter in person; as such, initial physical attraction has had a significant bearing on whether or not a second date is likely to occur. In “The Brain in Love” author Benedict Carey explains how “recent research suggests that romantic attraction is in fact a primitive, biologically based drive, like hunger” (400). He proposes that attraction is a primal instinct and proves this point by analyzing the brain activity of newly-smitten college students through the use of magnetic resonance imaging, or MRI. These students exhibited increased levels of dopamine, a chemical which is also associated with “states of euphoria, craving, and addiction” (401).

New, alternative methods of dating are gaining in popularity and bringing new meaning to the term ‘date’. Speed dating allows groups of singles to gather at one event. Couples are allowed a short ‘date’ of five to ten minutes to quickly introduce themselves and to see if any ‘spark’ exists between them. A bell or buzzer signifies when it’s time to move on to the next ‘date’. Like traditional dating, this method works on the premise of ‘chemistry first, compatibility second’.
Challenging the dating tradition of face-to face interaction, online dating has revolutionized the ways in which people meet by expanding the playing field to include the cyber world. Promoting the success of online dating programs, today’s media is saturated with advertisements featuring happy, healthy couples of all ages, races, and ethnicities. By expanding the dating world, online dating services connect people who otherwise would never have met. If used appropriately, these services provide an opportunity for a person to ‘pre-screen’ a potential date. Compatibility is determined by an applicant’s responses to a questionnaire on issues ranging from religion, sexual preference, interests, and income to whether or not he or she likes cats. The applicant’s ‘profile’ is matched to compatible profiles of other applicants. With both traditional and online dating people are putting their best foot forward in terms of how they look and /or project themselves to another person. Contrary to speed and traditional dating, however, internet dating operates on the ‘compatibility first, chemistry second’ premise.

Cyber- and online dating also have a dark and potentially dangerous side. The disadvantage to these dating methods is that there are no assurances that an online contact is honestly representing themselves. A person may have ulterior motives for engaging someone under the guise of courting. An online suitor may be married, exaggerate about their age or physical appearance, or even lie about their gender. A boy or girl in their early teens can portray themselves as adults, engaging in online partners who are unaware of their true age. It’s impossible to truly know the identity of a person until a face-to-face meeting takes place. These types of internet relationships can also be superficial. Some people are inclined to only show certain sides of themselves. Some online daters are looking to engage in illegal behaviors such as sex with minors, pornography, rape, etc. Because this method of dating is ‘faceless’, a person can engage in illicit cyber activity while living a seemingly normal life to people in the real world. These criminals are virtually untraceable. Unfortunately, no regulations currently exist which govern internet dating.

Today, the traditional ways of meeting people and forming relationships is being supplemented with alternative methods which satisfy the varied needs and lifestyles of our ever-changing society. The internet has brought swift advances to established rituals of dating. If used appropriately, internet dating presents a viable option by offering initial contact with a potential date from the comfort of a person’s home and the safety of a computer screen. Based on this cyber interaction, people can agree to meet in a safe place to see whether or not that certain chemistry or ‘spark’ will draw them together. After all, people still need to ‘kick the tires’ to really know what they are getting. Today when asking a person how they met their mate, it’s not uncommon to learn that they met online, although this isn’t nearly as interesting as learning that they met in an elevator or that their future husband was once their father’s apprentice.